children

Zebedee

“BOING!” said Zebedee, “Time for bed!”

Ah, the childish joys of the Magic Roundabout. by that I mean this Magic Roundabout:

Not this abomination of town planning that the poor people of Swindon have to deal with (as if living in Swindon wasn’t bad enough):

So who amongst my extensive readership has a single clue what I’m rabbiting on about when I talk about Dylan, the pot-smoking hippy rabbit based on Bob Dylan; Ermintrude, the matronly cow; Brian, the simple-minded snail; Douglas, the shaggy dog with a taste for sugar; and Florence, the totty for the younger generation.

I’m sure there was far more of an adult under-current to the series that I was not aware of back in my innocence (or possibly not, but we like to infer a little innuendo as smutty -mined adults).

So in an attempt to ruin your memories of Douglas and co, I will leave you with this revved up version of Jasper Carrot’s Magic Roundabout parody:

“Hello children. It’s a quarter to six. Time for Magic Roundabout…”

“I wonder where Florence is?” said Dougal.

“I’m over here,” said Florence. 

“Hello, Florence,” said Dougal.

“Hello, Dougal,” said Florence.

“Boing!”

“Hello, Florence and Dougal,” said Zebedee.

“Hello, Zebedee,” said Dougal and Florence.

“Hello, Zebedee, Florence and Dougal,” said Dylan.

“Hello, Dylan,” said Zebedee, Florence and Dougal.

“Dylan,” said Dougal.

“Yes,” said Dylan.

“I wonder if Florence is a virgin?”

“Drops ’em for sure,” said Dylan.

“Booinngg!”

“That’s right enough,” said Zebedee.

“How do you know?” said Dylan. “You’re wound so tight you’ve clearly never had a woman.”

“Booinngg!”

Zebedee ignored Dylan’s slur. “Half of Toytown has enjoyed her horizontal pleasures. Let’s face it, Noddy’s the biggest ram round here and he said he scored when they were in Hector’s house,” said Zebedee. “And Big Ears got his name when she pulled his face in so hard they stretched!”

“I can hear you,” said Florence. “It s not true. Noddy and I are just good friends. And Big Ears is just a gossip.”

“Rubbish”, said Dougal. “It’s all over the canteen. Everyone knows about you, you brazen hussy.”

“You lousy old flea-bag,” said Florence. “Call yourself a dog? I’ve seen better hair on a lavatory brush!”

“Booinngg!!”

“Now look here,” said Zebedee. “Things are getting out of hand. Let’s get back to the story-line!”

“It’s a crummy story anyway,” said Dylan stubbornly.

“Booinngg!”

“No, it’s not,” said Zebedee commandingly.

“Who cares?” said Dylan dejectedly.

“Well, I like it,” said Florence, hopefully.

“Well that’s obvious!” said everybody, cockily.

“Booinngg!”

“Now look,” said Zebedee, “let’s try and get it together.”

“Well, I’m not working for that fat-bat any more,” said Dougal. “I’m off to join the Flowerpot men.”

“Good riddance,” said Florence.

“Knickers!” said Dougal. “If you’ve still got any!”

“Ihat’s no way to talk to a lady,” said Dylan (knowing he’s on to a good thing).

“Some lady!” said Dougal.

“Oh, piss off,” said Dylan.

And so Dougal did, all over Florence.

“Thank you for sticking up for me,” said Florence.

“I’ll stick up for you anytime”, said Dylan, with a smile.

“Cheeky!” said Florence. She fluttered her eyelashes. “You know I’ve had a soft spot for you for a long time.”

“I’ve got just the thing for that soft spot,” said Dylan.

“Where do we go from here?”, said Florence.

“Booinngg!!!”

 

And with that, we say “Time for bed” to A to Z for another year.

Peace and Quiet

This one is for anyone who has ever been a parent 🙂

kids2

Get out of my sight

Just close the door

Leave me alone

I can’t take any more

I need some time

To find my feet

I need some sleep

I’m just dead beat

Why can’t you shush

Must you be so loud

Just go outside

I can’t stand the crowd

Turn off the TV

Stop your endless noise

Can’t you just find

Some quieter toys?

I’m not asking for much

Just quell the riot

Let me close my eyes

For some peace and quiet.

*

And that was your P and Q for the A to Z Challenge.

Motherhood and the Everyday Miracle

Today is Mother’s Day in North America. The date varies around the world, but the concept remains the same. All people in the world should kneel in thanks to Anna Jarvis as the pioneer of our modern celebration of mothers everywhere. For without a mother, none of us would be here today.

hands

As a mere man, I know nothing of the inner sanctum of the Temple of Motherhood. I’m vaguely aware of course, like I’m aware of life in the oceans, or ancient Egyptians. I can read about it, see the results, but I can never truly experience it. As a father, I enjoyed immensely the creative part, but after that I was an observer to the whole process, like a spectator at a sports event. I was there to cheer on the team. I brought on the oranges at half time, but let’s be honest, this game was going on whether or not I was in the stands. (more…)