Confessional

despair.com

despair.com

“Forgive me Blog Lord, for I have sinned. It has been eight days since my last confessional.”

“Bless you my child, we are all weak and suffer the pangs of writer’s block”

“But it was not writer’s block, my Lord. It was worse.”

“What are you saying my child? Surely you are not suggesting what I think?”

“I am, my Lord. I am. I suffered the sin of procrastination. Even after admitting to my affliction, I let the beast within, without. He ran rampage over my timelines in all areas of my life. The beast is now released and I know not what to do to contain him.”

“Tell me more, my child.”

“The beast sits on my shoulder and presses me down, preventing me from accomplishing anything. I said, ‘I cannot write, for I must train for my run.’ Yet I didn’t train, and my run suffered. I said, ‘I cannot train for my run, for I must train my new puppy.’ Yet I have not trained my new puppy, and my shoes, floors and the kids toys all suffered.’ I said, ‘I cannot train my puppy, for I must, I really must write.’ And so on, and so forth. Bottom line is, I’m in a stew and I am here to seek absolution.”

“I can tell you that you can write, and it will be good. I can tell you that you can run, and you will be good. I can tell you, you can train your puppy – but he will still pee, poo and chew. I am not all-powerful. But it is not in my power to make you do these things.”

“ But you must absolve me, my Lord! For how else can I cleanse my soul and move to the next level of Blogger enlightenment?”

“Your Public must absolve you, my child. Your followers and Facebook friends. They are the ones you have let down with your wastefulness and neglect. You fed their hopes, their dreams and their passions with your words, yet now you leave them hungry.”

“But what good are Followers if they are not true Readers, my Lord? The stats cannot lie, surely? The stats show, even with 100 or more Followers, my true Readers are slight. For whom do I toil in my words, oh Lord?”

“We toil for ourselves. If others gain joy through our toil, this is a blessing and we are truly grateful. But your truest, harshest and most loyal critic is within you, my child.”

“I hear you, my Lord, but I beseech you, give me a penance and allow me to cleanse myself through your punishments.”

“I can do this for you, little one. We must be careful in your penance, for your readership is broad and so your penance must be at once appealing to your Followers yet a true ordeal for you. Let me think.”

**** twiddling thumbs ****

“My Lord, are you still there?”

“Hmmm? Oh, it’s you again! Where were we? Oh yes, your penance. You have committed the sins of neglect on your Followers, and so it is they who must decide your penance. Your Followers will provide you with Blog topics, and you must complete a post on each topic provided by your Followers. Your penance will be complete when you have addressed each and every topic bestowed upon you by your Followers.”

“Thank you my Lord. I am truly blessed.”

“Wait, I’m not done with you yet, you lazy, procrastinating, whinger. You disturbed my rest, and so I am inclined to start your penance with my own set of topics.”

“Be gentle with me, my Lord!”

“Gentle my arse. I’m giving it to you full force, to teach you a lesson, mind. I get no pleasure from this. You will write on these girly topics:

    • Barbie Dolls,
    • Pink and
    • Handbag Dogs.

I expect good work, else you will be back in my study once more, and you will find that to be a most painful reminder not to waste my time. Now go, and at least 500 words on each topic, mind.”

“Thank you, my Lord. You have been gentle with me.”

 

Now, my Followers. Can you forgive me my tardiness and neglect? Please allow me to atone and provide me your topics in the comments box. I can then complete my penance.

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