I’m a celibate Praying Mantis,
A queer choice to make, some say.
I like the girls, most surely,
I’m just not ready to go all the way.
My choice is through necessity,
To keep my body whole.
If I sleep with just one woman,
She will steal away my soul.
I don’t mean metaphoric,
I mean quite literally.
If we do the down and dirty,
She’ll invite me in for tea.
She won’t have any crumpets
No toast, or country ham.
She has her mind on other food,
A slice of Mantis man.
You may think I’m over-stating,
Nice girls would not do that.
But my buds all went with women,
And not one has yet come back.
For one sweet night of passion,
It’s a mighty price to pay.
Four minutes (!) of lovey-dovey,
And then, auf wiedersehn!
And so I sit in contemplation,
Praying, “Please, let her be restrained”.
I just want to love her sweetly,
And again, and again, and again.
So when you see me praying
I’m not seeking to atone
I just want SEX, goddamit
Then leave me well alone!
Here’s your P. Take it and be gone, you accursed AtoZ Challenge!